We found it's very normal to rarely or even never kiss passionately. Our data tells us that 56 percent of men and women said they rarely or never kiss passionately. This is distressing since kissing is a way for people to enhance feelings of love and connectedness and having sex without it, has the risk of one or both partners feeling like they are just doing the mechanics of sex rather than creating a deeper passion and love. When we looked at how years in relationship might play a part in initiating the kiss, it definitely played a strong role. Only 21 percent said the rarely kiss or never kiss passionately in the first year of the relationship, compared to 61 percent at the 10 year mark! At 21 years or more it soars to 67 percent.

The Normal Bar study makes it clear that extremely happy relationship (not just happy, but extremely happy) men and women were much more likely to kiss passionately, but just about everyone else said they wanted more passion in their relationship. The majority (58 percent) of people who are extremely happy share a passionate kiss several times a week. And while passionate kissing isn't a requirement for sex, it seems to be a core component of pleasurable sex. Among people who love having sex with their partners, 85 percent kiss passionately on a regular basis. Among men and women who do not enjoy sex, 86 percent of them rarely or never kiss passionately!

So it seems like a no brainer, one easy solution to bringing the passion back in is to bring the passionate kiss back in as a normal part of intimacy. This one relatively easy addition to your lives together could add an incredible amount of pleasure and, even more important, help you feel much more deeply in love. Why not start tonight?

When we originally embarked on this survey, we wanted to be able to dissect not only what was normal in different peer groups, but which patterns worked best to keep couples fulfilled. We sliced and diced the data along many different criteria, including age, years in relationship, kids or no kids, and ethnicity. When we drilled down into the results we expected to have enough that was different among one of our sub-groups, gay and lesbian couples, to justify a book in itself.

Surprisingly, we soon discovered that there weren't enough differences to write about! Other than that gay and lesbian partners are of the same sex - and that among male couples in particular there are a few variations in monogamy - same-sex relationships looked pretty much like the opposite-sex version. The only other data that really stood out was that gay and lesbian couples normally communicate better than heterosexual couples.

Perhaps we shouldn't have been so surprised. Ask any perceptive therapist and they'll tell you that we all go through the same ups and downs. We did notice, though, that the extremely happy couples in our study - whether hetero- or homosexual - put a lot of time into each other, lavishing affection and romance. Sometimes, many of us wonder whether all the romantic effort is worth it. The more cynical among us may suspect we're being manipulated by the "affection industry" (which has us ritually running out for flowers, candy, and sentimental cards) and that all that perspiration doesn't add up to much. But the data suggests otherwise.

In this, and indeed nearly every other way, gay and lesbian couples behave just as straight couples do.

Let's not over complicate this. We know that by following these 5 simple rules, you will not only be on your way to having a romantic Valentine's Day, you will also be building a foundation for romance that can increase overall happiness in your relationship.

Rule 1: Don't downplay Valentine's Day, celebrate it big time! If you don't make the choice to make Valentine's Day a special day, then you can bet it won't be. Let go of your cranky belief that Valentine's Day is a big Hallmark scam, its irrelevant. Birthdays have Hallmark cards too, and we don't discard them! Instead, remember that any time we can celebrate each other, is a good time. This is national pay special attention to one another day, so what could possibly be wrong with that. Sure, we're supposed to do that every day, but we don't. So let's take advantage of the reminder.

Rule 2: Buy or make a gift. If your partner says that they don't want anything, they are lying to you. They don't want to have to tell you to get them something. Consider this, in The Normal Bar Study, 64% of women and 88% of men who said that they never received romantic gifts of any kind, also said that they aren't satisfied with their sex life. Now we're not saying that giving your partner a gift will automatically re-charge your sex life- but, hey, it couldn't hurt! Price, by the way doesn't matter. The gift doesn't have to be anything expensive, but the thought, and the execution of that thought, is priceless. If cash is sparse, write a poem, put together pictures of some great times together, or create a playlist. If cash isn't an issue, buy your sweetie a Ferrari.

Rule 3: True expression of love. By doing something your partner knows is hard or unlikely for you to do, you create gratitude and love. So, instead of running to the store and grabbing the first Valentine's Day card you see, spend some time picking the right card and writing something thoughtful on it. Or get several cards and make a humorous or loving collage out of them. It could also be a gift of time: if you have a well-earned reputation as a work-a-holic, take the day off and spend it with your beloved. Sure, they may faint when you tell them you are all their's on a work day, but when they come to, they are really going to feel very loving.

Rule 4: An Element of Surprise. Don't ask us why, but it turns out that romance is enhanced by the unexpected and novel event. If you do something new and extraordinary together, it's going to have a bigger impact than going to your favorite restaurant again. Any action out of the “norm” counts! You can really have fun with this one. Of course , know your lover. If they hate surprises, then go light on the surprise part but stay heavy on the idea of something novel. Again, it can be pretty simple. Maybe it could just be taking charge of the evening if you never do, or agreeing to dress up if you generally only dress in Gortex or Sweats!

Rule 5: Know what your partner likes. You think you know, but do you really know what your partner thinks is romantic? One of the biggest mistakes couples make is they create a romantic moment for their partner thinking it's what their partner likes, when it's really what they like. This might go on for years! Here's an idea: sit down together and discuss your favorite romantic moments. Take note of your partner's favorites. If you like upscale restaurants on Valentines Day, but not one of your partner's favorites include dining out, it might be time for a course correction. Plan something that speaks to what each of your thinks is a romantic date. (Ok, if your visions of romance never mesh, then let each of you plan Valentines Day on alternate years. You might find yourself at a hockey game some years, but then you get to go to a four handed massage the next…)

In fact, if you don't give romantic gifts, it's worth considering why you don't. Perhaps, your own family never gave gifts when you were growing up and you never learned the habit. If so, the habit may seem forced and false. Or maybe you've offered gifts in the past but your picky partner never seem to appreciate your choices and you gave up trying. Perhaps you loved giving gifts but your partner insisted it was a waste of money, and now you agree. Or maybe your partner tells you your relationship is so solid that you don't need to bother with gifts. These are all compelling justifications, but they can mislead you into unintentionally undermining your relationship. Relationships need reciprocal gift giving!

Follow your instincts: partners like to know they are loved and that you are thinking of them. Even when your partner says, "It's okay, you don't need to get me a present," they may not entirely mean what they say. They might want something more in line with their taste, or they may have some other reservation about gift giving but that doesn't mean that all gift giving should stop in its tracks. Figure out what the problem is, and then give gifts that matter; remember a humble flower can touch your partner's heart, it doesn't have to set back the family budget. It really is the thought — that counts.

But that old saying about it's the thought that counts is not really a superficial sentiment. Gifts need to be a genuine expression of love and well thought out. They need to come from the heart, not out of a sense of obligation or duty. They also cannot be generic, your partner needs to know why you gave him or her that specific gift. And they shouldn't just be the end result of a lot of hints. No one wants to have to tell the other person to give, so if you feel the love, by all means show the love.

We asked thousands of people in the Normal Bar study about gift giving and as much as we would like to share them all with you, we picked out a couple of our favorites that we hope will spark some creativity when presenting your "perfect gift" to your partner over the holiday season:

"For Christmas my partner made a scavenger hunt around his apartment with notecards of all his favorite memories of our relationship, that led to my Christmas gift."

"My husband is a practical guy, so it's tough to give him a gift that is romantic, so I buy him whatever practical gift that I know he really wants and always attach a bonus gift. The bonus gift ranges anywhere from a poem that I wrote about him, a one hour candlelight massage, to a ipod shuffle with all his favorite songs. I have so much fun coming up with a creative bonus gift every year and he appreciates the love and thought put into it."

"My wife borrows my things... all the time! Sometimes that are not put back where I left them and it drives me crazy. So, I bought her an exact duplicate of everything she borrows from me. The package included, tweezers, scissors, sweatshirt, noise canceling head phones for the airplane, iphone charger, razor, comb, umbrella, and my favorite hat. The present had a nice card and mentioned a small getaway I had planned- she said it was the best present ever!"