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Inside Look
Here's a small peek into people's lives when asked in our Normal Bar survey:
What is your most romantic memory and what is your ideal romantic evening?
Romantic Memory:
A night we camped in a tent in the front yard and made love.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
A quiet dinner out and return home to make love
- Male, 35-44 years old, Separated - single
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- Male, in a relationship with kids
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- Male, married with kids
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- Male, married with kids
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- Male, married with kids
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- Male, married with kids
Romantic Memory:
Dancing and holding each other in a club.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Have dinner, laugh, chat with friends, go out with friends, kiss in public, dance together, make love.
- Male, 18-24 years old, Never married - single
Romantic Memory:
Crying after sex that was so good with her I broke down
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Six hours in bed with her, alone, and no interruptions.
- Male, 45-54 years old, Divorced - domestic partnership
Romantic Memory:
A great weekend at the beach that happened 22 years ago.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
A trip to some special place together.
- Male, 55+ years old, Never married - single
Romantic Memory:
The first kiss
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Nice dinner, good movie, make love, fall asleep together.
- Male, Divorced with kids - dating seriously
Romantic Memory:
Getting married by Elvis impersonator.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Big Italian dinner and live show.
- Male, 45-54 years old, Married with kids
Romantic Memory:
First time having sex, camping with one another
Ideal Romantic Evening:
just hanging out and being able to be with one another doing something we both enjoy.
- Male, 18-24 years old, Never married - dating seriously
Romantic Memory:
Weekend in KC, skipped a concert to make love in the hotel room.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Cruise with sexual intimacy daily.
- Male, 55+ years old, Marired with kids
Romantic Memory:
Taking a bath together by candle light and romantic music
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Doing anything with her.
- Male, 55+ years old, Divorced - domestic partnership
Romantic Memory:
Realizing I was in love.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
A short vacation to enjoy our hobbies.
- Male, 55+ years old, Married
Romantic Memory:
We spend the entire weekend at home pleasing one another sexually.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Going out to dinner & movie, while out we hold hands. When we arrive home we have passionate sex.
- Male, 45-54 years old, Married with kids
Romantic Memory:
Driving across the country with her
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Dinner and a nice walk
- Male, 18-24 years old, Never married - single
Romantic Memory:
Making a Valentine's Day dinner along with cheesecake for dessert after having her come home from work to a candle-lit bubble bath
Ideal Romantic Evening:
doing whatever we wanted and having a good time together
- Male, 45-54 years old, Married
Romantic Memory:
She was 28 and on my 33 birthday she sat me in a chair and did a seductive dance.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Locally, I would take a day off of work. We would do something outside i.e. 9 holes of Golf Boat cruise, garden park and then shopping at the Outlet. Rest and then go have some dinner, she would be wearing something cute, flirt w/ me during the evening
- Male, 45-54 years old, Married with kids
Romantic Memory:
Making love in the cotton field on the way to a wedding.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Dinner and a nice show in London
- Male, 55+ years old, Married with kids
Romantic Memory:
When he asks me to join him because he knows I'm feeling down
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Sex all night.
- Same Sex couple
Romantic Memory:
Early date, she initiated sex in car
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Any activity, partner teasing to keep arousal level high then go home, massage and make love.
- Male, 55+ years old, Married with kids
Romantic Memory:
Making love on a balcony
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Great meal and sex
- Male, 55+ years old, Married with kids
Romantic Memory:
She sent a box of cookies to my hotel when I had to travel to handle my mom's estate
Ideal Romantic Evening:
We take long week-end trips to out-of-town sporting or other events and hit the town.
- Male, 55+ years old, Divorced with kids - single
Romantic Memory:
Gave me the greatest birthday of my life.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
A long night spent at a romantic restaurant talking until the establishment closed, then a long stroll back to her or my place in which we made love.
- Male, 18-24 years old, Never married - dating seriously
Romantic Memory:
Drinking wine, eating cheese on our balcony looking at Vesuvius
Ideal Romantic Evening:
Spending an evening in a French B&B that has a bath tub large enough for two--champagne and dessert followed by mutual massage and love making.
- Male, 55+ years old, Widowed - domestic partnership
Romantic Memory:
When she wore nothing underneath her dress during Valentine's dinner 10 years ago. Staying at b and b's early on and backpacking with her.
Ideal Romantic Evening:
She would arrange for childcare without me having to do it. Figure out a way to pay for a night out without it coming back on me. Listening to calm/friendly live music. Asking about things I'm interested in. Not falling asleep early or complaining about
- Male, 45-54 years old, Married
There is certainly a great deal to learn about this subject. I really like all the points you have made.
- Female, widowed
Romantic Memory Romantic dinner at my favourite restaurant this last Valentine's Day. Chocolate dessert and finally, wild sex against de door sized window pane on the second floor.
- Female, 20 years old, in a relationship for 4 years
That I don't believe him when he says he doesn't remember if he had already told me "I love you" when he made out with one of his girl friends, short time before we went official.
- Female, 20 years old, in a relationship for 3 years
Please feel free to comment in response to any of these or share your own romantic memory or ideal romantic evening.
What is a secret that you haven't shared with your partner?
I gave some money to my daughter.
- Female, 53 years old, divorced, re-married 2 years with kids
That I don't believe him when he says he doesn't remember if he had already told me "I love you" when he made out with one of his girl friends, short time before we went official.
- Female, 20 years old, in a relationship for 3 years
Thanks so much for the blog article. Really thank you! Want more.
- Male, married (separated) with kids
Interesting. If I felt that that I needed to give money to one of my kids without telling my spouse, of course I will give the money to my child. But I will then analyze why I have to do it secretly...because, on some level, there is clearly a problem with trust. I MAY eventually decide that my relationship with my spouse is important enough that I simply need to accept the lack of trust. But, I would hope that we could come to understand each other and eliminate that.
- Male, 58 years old, divorced, 36 year relationship with kids
This is a topic which is close to my heart... Best wishes! Exactly where are your contact details though?
- Female, divorced, re-married
Thank you for your blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Great.
- Male, divorced with kids
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- Female, single
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- Male, married with kids
I am so grateful for your article post.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.
- Male, married (separated) with kids
I think this is a real great blog post.Much thanks again. Keep writing.
- Anonymous
rd to reading more. Great blog post.Thanks Again. Much obliged.
- Anonymous
That I started smoking again.
- Female, 39 years old, divorced, 6 month relationship
That I masturbate.
- Male, 68 years old, married 26 years with kids
I'm sorry, but everyone doesn't masturbate...so I don't see where you have the right to tell him that his wife is an idiot.
- Female, 35 years old, married 11 years with kids
She's right. My boyfriend loves masturbating. And guess what, so do I. And when the timing and mood is right, I love to masturbate in front of him. I've had some amazing orgasims with his energy coaching me on. Im guessing she needs to get more comfortable with herself. How can she be open to someone elses body and sexuality if she's yet to concour her own. Good luck dear friend! And keep masturbating. Enjoy it.
- Female, 23 years old, in a relationship for 2 years
HI MY NAME IS JONNOONAN ILOVE PEOPLE FEEL GOOD TO
- Male, 29 years old, single
If the fact that you masturbate is a secret, your wife is an idiot, period. Everyone masturbates.
- Female, 33 years old, married 10 years
Several years ago, I was suicidal for several months, but I am much better now.
- Female, 38 years old, married 4 years
Sexual fantasies.
- Female, 42 years old, married 21 years with kids
Find a way to tell him. Open the window to being sexually pleased like never before.
- Female, 23 years old, in a relationship for 2 years
I was involved with a friend of his, right before we started dating.
- Female, 30 years old, relationship for 3 years
I hide my worries and fears.
- Female, 45 years old, married 18 years with kids
I am in charge of paying the mortgage and the bills. Idon't always have enough to pay everything and live the lifestyle we want so I used our home equity line. We've accrued over $100,000 of debt and she doesn't know.
- Male, 47 years old, married 19 years with kids
I agree with last comment. Please look into Dave Ramsey's financial peace university. It will save your marriage and help you dig yourselves out of the hole you created together. Best wishes!
- Female, 44 years old, married 19 years with kids
The crude remarks I see on my screen are not necessary. I understand where he's coming from exactly. I recommend daveramsey.com. Dave can help through great financial coaching.
- Male, 52 years old, married 32 years with kids
It's obvious he has a problem. You just sound like a vicious asshole.
- Female, 23 years old, in a relationship for 5 years
Scumbag. Kill yourself.
- Male, 37 years old, married 8 years
I don't hold out much hope for reconciliation.
- Female, 61 years old, married 21 years (separated) with kids
I am emotionally involved with someone else, whom I've come to love.
- Female, 49 years old, married 26 years
Don't waste what time you have in this life. If you're in love, talk to both people. Look honestly at your marriage -- can you work on it? Emotional affairs are just as devastating to marriages/relationships as physical affairs.
- Female, 54 years old, in a relationship for 7 years with kids
I go to the donut shop and eat donuts.
- Male, 50 years old, relationship for 3 years
I don't want to be married anymore.
- Male, 42 years old, married 15 years with kids
It's probably not as much a secret as you think unless she is totally disconnected from you. You might as well own up to it. No reason for you to stay & be miserable! For the record, I don't want to be married any more either... Just waiting till I get another job so I can support myself
- Female, 33 years old, married 10 years
I am bisexual.
- Female, 31 years old, married 4 years with kids
I am bisexual too. She knows I've had encounters, but she is in no way delighted. I'm also a transvestite...she knows, hates, and thins I've stopped. I also love porn, and hate fat hicks, she's ballooned t o 250 pounds, complexly let herself go, and I am wondering why I'm still here.
- Male, married 22 years with kids
Tell him. He may be delighted. (Seriously!) If he is not, at least it will be out in the open. The two of you will probably come to very good terms with it. If not, at least you won't be kind of living a lie. When you are not living your own life, you WILL suffer from depression.
- Male, 58 years old, divorced, 36 year relationship with kids
I have continued a relationship with another woman that I had started before I met my partner.
- Male, 61 years old, divorced, re-married 6 months with kids
My heart goes out to the this man's wife.
- Female, 41 years old, married 16 years with kids
I still fake having an orgasm.
- Female, 31 years old, relationship for 4 years
23 year old lass is brilliant , truly one must find oneself before one can find another , this applies as much to orgasms as it does to finding a partner . personally , nothing on earth can stop me until i succeed in a true orgasm with a lass :P maybe thats just me
- Male, 23 years old, single
That 33 year old sounds like an ignorant bit h who isn't comfortable in her own body and who never orgasims herself. First step: touch yourself, a lot, in all types of "settings and moods". YOU HAVE TO GET TO KNOW YOURSELF. AND MOST IMPORTANT: ORGASIMS ARE EXTREMELY MENTAL!!! As well as physical. And it's true. MEN WANT TO PLEASE US. My boyfriend, John tells me that pleasing me is his favorite part b/c once he cums, it's over. Xxox
- Female, 23 years old, in a relationship for 5 years
Some men need direction. Men don't ask for directions. Each time try and give him subtle hints...like I was almost there if you did this...just talk positively about what you like...most men want to satisfy their spouse. You have to help him find the combination to your safe...otherwise he'll just keep spinning because that's all he knows....
- Male, 40 years old, married 14 years with kids
She didn't say that she doesn't LIKE sex, or that she wants to "get out of having sex". My wife never had orgasms during vaginal sex...but she enjoyed it anyway, and was generally very content when I had an orgasm and she didn't. It's a shame that she feels that she needs to fake orgasms. I think that if I can't talk to my partner about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, then I should not be with that partner.
- Male, 58 years old, divorced, 36 year relationship with kids
You do what you have to... Too bad he can't just leave you alone! Do what you can to get out of having sex.
- Female, 33 years old, married 10 years
Try to get therapy, it will make you both closer and intimacy is needed for a relationship to work
- Female, 32 years old, divorced, 2 year relationship
That I have a blog on depression.
- Female, 65 years old, married 26 years with kids
A fantasy of mine.
- Female, 18 years old, relationship for 6 months
Policies for my future that I have taken out.
- Female, 45 years old, married 16 years with kids
When I get bonus checks at work, I hide that from him. He loves my money.
- Female, 45 years old, divorced, re-married 4 years with kids
When he was in jail I slept with 2 other guys.
- Female, 34 years old, relationship for 7 years
You have sexual need. I am glad to hear you are able to slept with 2 guys. You have at least your mind out of ur husband.
- Male, 38 years old, married 9 years with kids
Her engagement ring is not a real diamond.
- Male, 36 years old, married 4 years
Ifyou love your wife and feel badly about this, save up some money together and get her an "upgrade" when you can afford it. It will make both of you feel great and then will make it easier to confide in her about her first ring, just make sure that the upgrade is real!
- Female, 44 years old, married 17 years with kids
You should tell her. If she says "okay, so? I'm glad you didn't waste money on crap", she's a keeper. If she flips out, you know she's just a gold digger.
- Female, 33 years old, married 10 years
When he was serving in the Army in Iraq, I slept with another man.
- Female, 21 years old, relationship for 2 years
endless mounds of this tripe isn't there . is there any such thing as faithfulness left in the world ?
- Male, 23 years old, single
I have committed adultery on a regular basis. I have an ongoing lover that I talk with daily and we share intimacy with each other that I do not have with my spouse. I am always on the lookout for new lovers and will probably never stop, even if caught. Tired of feeling like a caged bird because of financial reasons.
- Female, 38 years old, married for 10 years
I was exactly like you at your age and in my first marriage. Unfortunately I got caught cheating. And I will have to live with the fear that my ex tells my children or my mother the truth - that I was a cheat. The only thing you have is your integrity. I promise you - you can find someone that fulfills you and you won't need to be on the lookout for new lovers. I promise you.
- Female, 47 years old, divorced, re-married 9 years with kids
She already said that she feels caged "because of financial reasons". She probably wonders how she can live with herself, too. You are correct...she needs help...she needs a "backbone"...but criticizing her for what she already knows is wrong is not going to help.
- Male, 58 years old, divorced, 36 year relationship with kids
You need help! If you don't care about your spouse, have the respect the get out of the marriage. What a low thing to do...and worse, a low thing to be. How do you live with yourself?
- married 20 years with kids
I don't have as much money as he has. He is very comfortable financially and I pay for all my own needs and some of his. My needs are simple and I have as much as I need, however, he would be hostile if I needed some money from him. If I discussed it with him he would get very nasty and I would be considered a threat.
- Female, 35 years old, married for 12 years with kids
Yes, he is "trash". But...before you leave him, you need to do everything you possibly can to fix the problem. Try to talk about it. Try counseling. Don't leave until you are CERTAIN that you have done all you can do. If you have done all you can do, and that does not fix this VERY SERIOUS problem, then you can leave without ever having any doubts. Believe me...that matters. A lot.
- Male, 58 years old, divorced, 36 year relationship with kids
You need to leave him, he is trash
- Female, 33 years old, married 10 years
Very powerfull content! What a great format to educate the needs and different dynamics within relationships!
- Male, 40 years old, in a relationship for 9 years
I appeared on TV months before starting our relationship. I'm too shy to let him see the show!
- Female, 23 years old, in a relationship for 2 years
Hmm. You're too shy but you appeared on a tv show? Be honest with yourself. I think that's a problem. Truly shy people would never go on tv.
- Male, 45 years old, married 21 years with kids
During the 23 years of my marriage, I wanted my ex to die so I could collect life insurance and have his family still love me... Instead I finally divorced him.
- Female, 47 years old, divorced with kids
My marriage broke up due to an affair with a married man. My ex does not know that I had slept with one previous man prior to my current relationship. I'm currently in love with my lover.
- Female, 41 years old, married 20 years (separated)
I held so many secrets for so long. Two years ago told my wife that I was bisexual and kinky (never acted on either) and sexually frustrated. We have opened up to sharing new sexual experiences and I have never been happier in our relationship. Life is better without secrets and with good communication.
- Male, 44 years old, married 21 years with kids
There shouldn't be any secrets in a relationship. Glad you told her and all is great between you. Remember that communication is a MUST in all our relationships.
- Female, 36 years old, married 1 years
I have given up hope for a real marriage. My husband sleeps in a different room because he snores and goes to bed very early and is up early. When not working, he watches sports and plays computer games. We've had a sexless marriage for over 8 years. He says it's because I'm angry. I feel like I'm always holding my breath.
- Female, 51 years old, married 21 years with kids
Sounds like my marriage too. I would say my wife, never smiles, is always angry. I don't watch tv or do games, but live a very active life. Her being upset, or in a depressing mood, not usually happy, she always sleeps in her clothes-- is a huge turn off. mainly not smiling, not happy. the clothes part is mentioned in the book I believe-- but I can tell you it really sucks. She is very attractive and has a smoking hot body--
- Male, 45 years old, married 21 years with kids
I know what you mean! My husband is the same way I feel more like roommates than a couple.
- Female, 35 years old, married 16 years with kids
I suffer from depression.
- Female, 35 years old, married 16 years with kids
You are not alone in feeling that way, I hope you and I both find a way to be permanently happy ! I have suffered many things in my childhood that still affect me today and add to my depression along with feeling like im not deeply cared for by my husband. I feel like he's not interested in keeping my heart just keeping my legs open. my husband doesn't know the full extent to how un happy I am and I wish that would change.
- Female, 25 years old, married 1 years with kids
I don't like our sex life it sucks. I remember we were always happy, we use to sleep nude but not no more, She makes me feel sex is dirty.
- Male, 58 years old, married 37 years with kids
Ever since the birth of our 2nd child, I can't stand the thought of sex. I don't like it, and I don't like my husband touching me. I am always tired from taking care of the kids/house and have no desire to be with my husband sexually.
- Female, 35 years old, married 11 years with kids
I'm suicidal over being a bisexual transvestite freak. I am driven towards the fetish, tranny/gay/freak, thing. Im just not straight.
- Male, 48 years old with kids
That I want more sex, that I masturbate almost daily after she goes to work, That I've had affairs with other women. She has had an hysterectomy and doesn't like vaginal sex now.
- Male, 69 years old, married 38 years with kids
Please feel free to comment in response to any of the secrets or share your own.